The past few days have not been the easiest in my life. I've
been faced with some serious demons and my self esteem has taken a serious hit.
I went shopping for work clothes and with my ever expanding hips and
thighs I am now a size 6 top and a size 12 pants. I have officially moved
into "pear" shape. I don't want to look like pear. Once
upon a time I have the sought after hourglass figure that I was quite proud of,
and I want it back.
I spent the evening a few days ago doing
some reading on weight loss blogs and weight loss tactics and weight loss apps
and weight loss programs. Do you see a trend here? I read this one
blog, Prior Fat Girl, I'm not a fan of the
name but she is a no-nonsense kind of person which I am a fan of.
“Stop being a moron
and start getting skinny! If you can’t take one more day of self-loathing, your
ready to hear the truth: You cannot keep shoveling the same crap into your
mouth every day and expect to loose weight.”
“Junk food will never
go away. It becomes more alluring by the minute with laboratory-developed
aromas, artificial flavors, chemical food colors, toxic preservatives, and
heart-stopping hydrogenated oils. We know these are impossible to resit, but no
one ever got skinny on junk food. Use your head. Candy bars, potato chips and
ice cream taste like heaven, of course. But they will pitch a tent on your hips
and camp out all year long.”
Again I'm not a big fan of the word
skinny, because I don't want to be "skinny" but... the message is
clear. If you don't like something? Change it! So I did
everything I could at that very moment in time. I opened my first My Fitness Pal account.
Downloaded the app and started learning how to use it. That was 4
days ago. So far, I've been using it fairly well. I'm sure that I
am not perfectly accurate with the calorie counts of my home-made stuff but I'm
doing the best that I can. So far I have been "under-budget" on
my calories 2 days in a row (an on track to be under budget for a 3rd).
This fits nicely in with my whole, lose weight slowly, baby steps thing,
so I am pleased.
I am also learning to be much more
kind to myself. Yesterday I was only under budget by 24 calories, but it
was also date night and Ian and I went to the movies and I wanted popcorn.
Instead of sharing the large popcorn and getting a big bag of candy, we
got a large popcorn and I asked for a small bag and then filled it up and when
it was empty... stopped. Ian ate the rest. That's okay. Every
day won't be perfect.
The insulting
thing though was today has been the first nice day in weeks and I was really
excited to go for a walk with the hubby and then after a morning doing research
on the computer I threw my back out... getting off the damn couch. This
is insulting. I blame the weeks of doing nothing but studying. Not
good for my already sketchy back. At least I have appointments with my
"body-fixers" tomorrow.
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