Progress Not Perfection

The past few days have not been the easiest in my life.  I've been faced with some serious demons and my self esteem has taken a serious hit.  I went shopping for work clothes and with my ever expanding hips and thighs I am now a size 6 top and a size 12 pants.  I have officially moved into "pear" shape.  I don't want to look like pear.  Once upon a time I have the sought after hourglass figure that I was quite proud of, and I want it back.  

I spent the evening a few days ago doing some reading on weight loss blogs and weight loss tactics and weight loss apps and weight loss programs.  Do you see a trend here?  I read this one blog, Prior Fat Girl, I'm not a fan of the name but she is a no-nonsense kind of person which I am a fan of.  

She posted these two quotes from “Skinny Bitch“

“Stop being a moron and start getting skinny! If you can’t take one more day of self-loathing, your ready to hear the truth: You cannot keep shoveling the same crap into your mouth every day and expect to loose weight.”

“Junk food will never go away. It becomes more alluring by the minute with laboratory-developed aromas, artificial flavors, chemical food colors, toxic preservatives, and heart-stopping hydrogenated oils. We know these are impossible to resit, but no one ever got skinny on junk food. Use your head. Candy bars, potato chips and ice cream taste like heaven, of course. But they will pitch a tent on your hips and camp out all year long.”

Again I'm not a big fan of the word skinny, because I don't want to be "skinny" but... the message is clear.  If you don't like something?  Change it!  So I did everything I could at that very moment in time.  I opened my first My Fitness Pal account.  Downloaded the app and started learning how to use it.  That was 4 days ago.  So far, I've been using it fairly well.  I'm sure that I am not perfectly accurate with the calorie counts of my home-made stuff but I'm doing the best that I can.  So far I have been "under-budget" on my calories 2 days in a row (an on track to be under budget for a 3rd).  This fits nicely in with my whole, lose weight slowly, baby steps thing, so I am pleased.  

 I am also learning to be much more kind to myself.  Yesterday I was only under budget by 24 calories, but it was also date night and Ian and I went to the movies and I wanted popcorn.  Instead of sharing the large popcorn and getting a big bag of candy, we got a large popcorn and I asked for a small bag and then filled it up and when it was empty... stopped.  Ian ate the rest.  That's okay.  Every day won't be perfect.  

The insulting thing though was today has been the first nice day in weeks and I was really excited to go for a walk with the hubby and then after a morning doing research on the computer I threw my back out... getting off the damn couch.  This is insulting.  I blame the weeks of doing nothing but studying.  Not good for my already sketchy back.  At least I have appointments with my "body-fixers" tomorrow. 

Confessions and Changes

I'm not sure when my last post was, but I know it's been a while.  A long while.  Upon looking it has been over a year.  A lot has changed, but in all honesty most of those changes have been in the past 3 months.

A very brave friend of mine has started a blog and is sharing her battle with a mental illness and I was inspired to share my recent struggles and triumphs.

Lets dive right in and start with the biggest change.  I left my firm.  It was terrifying at first and I had to do a lot of soul searching because there were a lot of people at that firm who had been very good to me and a lot of clients who I didn't want to disappoint.  Yet when it came down to it, I wasn't happy.  I wasn't getting anywhere and I really wasn't making any money.  So I started doing the rounds and thanks to a business coach with a knack for getting to the point, I got connected with some of the most successful women in the Victoria financial world.

I interviewed 4 different firms and decided on one that fit the life I want now and the life I want in the long run.  By Christmas Eve an offer was in my email inbox.  It was exciting, but it also meant I had to take on the unpleasant task of quitting my existing job.  One slightly uncomfortable meeting later, I was free of my firm.

Since January 13 I have been back in study mode and upgrading my licenses.  This is going to be the case for another month or so, then I can get back to my work.  I will say that I've realized how much I really love what I do in the past few months because I am starting to lose my mind.

After I finish with this whole "studying" thing, I get to work harder than I have... ever.  I am excited, nervous, terrified.  I am expected to quadruple my productivity.  Thank god I have one of the cities best business coaches on my side!


On a more personal note: Ian and I are finally moving forward with the whole buying our first home thing.  We are looking at this sweet little condo not that far from where we are now, but we are waiting on making an offer because my wonderful husband is out of town.  We are hopefully going to see it again and make an offer this weekend and this week has been incredibly stressful watching the listing and hoping that another offer doesn't come in!  I keep trying to be zen about the whole thing, you know, "it all happens for a reason" and "if this falls apart something better will come along" but if I'm being super honest... I've already pretty much moved in.


Here is the confessional part of this post.  Yes I left the hard part to the end.  Over the past few years... well pretty much ever since I graduated from high-school my body has been expanding in a way that I'm not very happy about.  I'm pretty sure that my diet hasn't exactly helped things, I have a weak spot for potato chips, french fries and anything else that is starchy and salty.

So here we go...  my weight has ballooned to almost 180 pounds.  Which is a really scary number for me.  Now to give you some perspective, when I was at my physical peak in high-school I weighed around 150.  Thanks to dense bones and muscles I have always been listed in the "overweight" category, but the last few years I've been inching closer and closer to the overweight description being accurate.  It's time that changed.  I'm not delusional though, I know that the coming stress and lack of time is not going to be kind to the process of losing weight.  I also know that it took over 10 years to put this weight on and it's going to take some time to take it off.  My goal is to make healthier choices in regards to my eating habits and how much I move during the day.  Right now, studying all the time this is a challenge.  The first thing I did was join Sole Sisters, which is a running/walking group for women only.  This has been a small step, but a good one.

The other thing that I am struggling with and this is not new, is my desire to be amazing at everything I do.  It's the perfectionist inside screaming to get out.  Every few months I break down about the fact that I can't have a spotless house, successful business with a big income, perfect body and be wife of the century who always has (a healthy) dinner on the table at 6pm sharp.   Yes, I do think this is possible... and put huge pressure on myself to be all those things I mentioned and more.

This has been surprisingly cathartic.  I know I need to be more kind to myself, and I am working on that.

A Random Trip to Italy... with a few visitors

For months Ian has been hoping to be sent to Europe for a work trip and on Sept 28 that hope became a reality.  He came running into our bedroom like a child on Christmas morning yelling "Guess what, guess what, guess what!!"  Being that it was before I normally got up I was groggy at best.  I opened one eye and said, "Your going to Europe aren't you..."  He replied by saying that he was not only going to Berlin but that he was leaving the next day.  Oh boy. 

The following week for me was a bit brutal with my husband being on the other side of the world but I kept myself busy and the day before he was due to come home I got another early morning surprise.  Ian called to tell me that he was being asked to stay an extra week, and did I want to meet him there to spend the weekend in Europe.  My first reaction was of course that I wanted to, who wouldn't?  But I quickly mentioned that it was beyond our budget at the moment, so thanks, but no.  Ian, always the salesman, countered with: what if I could go on a free flight, free hotel and all I need to pay was food and any fun purchases.  How could I say no to that?  SO within 48 hours I was on a plane to Italy. 

I flew from Vancouver to San Francisco to Frankfurt to Rome, it was a long haul but totally worth it.  I arrived in Rome on Thursday evening tired, hungry and tired some more.  I was also not sure what I was going to be able to eat there as it is the land of bread, pasta and pizza and probably not wheat free versions.  I was pleasantly surprised to find out that in Italy all citizens are tested for Celiac Disease in kindergarten so not only do they know what it is, they know how to deal with it.  After a delicious meal of pasta and bread I passed out for the night.

We woke up the next day ready to rock.  We road tripped through the countryside from Rome to Rimini, with the help of my new best friend TomTom.  We stopped many times for snacks and to snap photos of the country side.  I did not know what to expect from Rimini and was pleasantly surprised to find a beautiful coastal town full of life.  We spent the night in a hotel right on the beach and had a fabulous dinner that literally towered over Ian (see picture below).  

The beauty that is the Italian countryside

Ian behind the wheel of our little wee car

View from our room in Rimini

Dinner in Rimini

The next morning we road tripped down to Florence, or Firenze as the Italians call it.  This was a much shorter drive so I was able to go into town before it was dark and wonder the wonderful streets.  Ian and I were in Florence about 5 years ago when we back-packed around Europe.  At the time I fell in love with Florence and being there again was like magic.  Ian met me downtown for a stupidly romantic dinner followed by an even more romantic walk.  It's hard not to fall in love with Florence. 

Florence streets

Band playing in the square in Florence (Firenze)

Gluten Free Pizza in Florence

 The next day we got back in our little car and went to explore Siena and San Gimignano.  Both are amazing little cities with incredibly rich histories that are seemingly untouched by time.  We had lunch in the square in Siena and took in the views around San Gimignano.  We then stumbled onto a food fair in Certaldo where we had another ridiculously romantic dinner, which just so happened to be our Thanksgiving dinner.  I had a lot to be thankful for that night.  

Square in Siena

View from San Gimignano

Sunday morning we got back into the car (yet again) and headed to Milan which was our final destination.  Being a big fan of fashion I did my research the night before and knew exactly where I wanted to go and what stores I wanted to visit.  Our first night there we had a wonderful dinner in town followed by some seriously good Gelato.  The next day I got up bright and early to explore the square the housed the city's spectacular Duomo and the "mall" which was basically an architectural masterpiece.  After drooling at designer goods, Ian and I headed to his meeting (which was really the whole reason for him being there) in Lugano Switzerland.  Lugano is about an hour from Milan.  We found the spot where he meeting was going to be and then he dropped me off at the Foxtown outlets to give my shopping muscles a good workout.  After a couple hours of fruitless shopping I headed back to Lugano which in retrospect was where I should have spent my time.  Lugano is amazing!  After a few pics were taken we headed back to Milan where we had some dinner then.... all hell broke loose.  

Mall in Milan - yes I swear it's a mall

Duomo in Milan

Lugano - Beautiful, right?

Lugano

Ian and I had discovered a few bites while on route.  Ian's being much itchier than mine he noticed them right away.  Right after we stayed in Rome.  A bit of googling later we realized they could potentially be bed bugs.  If you ever get a chance to google bed bugs, don't.  It will make you feel itchy instantly and somewhat paranoid.  We started the search and didn't find a single bug (first good sign) we also decided that we didn't have any fresh bites (second good sign) but we weren't about to relax.  Not just yet.  Ian told me to go buy big garbage bags as well as a new outfit from head to toe so that I could come into the house and keep the bugs or eggs within the plastic. 

Anyway, there is a long story here about me shopping while trying to keep the clothing separate (challenging to say the least) but basically we down-graded our concern from frantic to cautious when the Rome hotel admitted to having problems with mosquitoes.  We are still going through the motions of washing our clothing in very hot water or drying cleaning the items that can't be put through that.  However we are not going to throw everything away as we still haven't encountered another bug.  We are going to be much more cautious when traveling from now on. 

I would encourage all readers to educate themselves on bedbugs as they are making a come-back because we no longer use DDT chemicals in cleaners.  This is an incredibly toxic chemical that is massively harmful to humans, however it is the only thing that kills these little darlings.  Here are a few tips that I have picked up:

1. NEVER unpack your suitcase in your bedroom, especially on your bed.  The best place to unpack is the bathtub because you can see little black bugs easier on the white porcelain. 

2. NEVER put your bag or clothing on the bed at a hotel, bugs love to crawl into the little cracks and seams to hitch a ride home with you. 

3. ALWAYS bring a flashlight to check the mattress seams (and other furniture) for signs of bugs.  Make sure to turn the lights out, the little darlings hate light so they won't come out if the lights are on. 

4. ALWAYS keep your bag on a luggage rack or hard surface and don't unpack into drawers or leave it open for long periods of time. 

5. ALWAYS wash every item you bring with you whether you wore it or not. 

I've learned that bed bugs are out there, even in the most expensive and high class hotels.  If you see any signs insist on a room in a different part of the hotel or simply a different hotel.  You can also look up your hotel before you leave on the national bed bugs registry (click here to check your next hotel).  It is active in North American and the UK, so if you are traveling beyond that just be aware! 

My Hubby Turns 25

This coming Tuesday Ian is set to turn 25 however due to work commitments we decided to celebrate this past weekend. Ian's parents made the trip over to help with the celebrations and we were both really excited.

The plan was to spend some time downtown, go for dinner then come back to our apartment for cake and presents. Thursday night I was out for a coffee with a friend when I started feeling kind of... odd. By the time I got home that night I was certain, I was sick. Very unhappy I went to bed and got up the next day feeling worse. After a long day of meetings and work I was ready for bed and got a good nights sleep, 13 hours of it to be exact.

The next day Ian took pity on me and let me stay home to sleep some more while he hit the town with his parents. Rumour has it they enjoyed downtown, oak bay, Cafe Mexico and our favourite bakery, Origins. Anyone not in the know, Origins is a completely Gluten Free bakery with seriously yummy sandwiches, cakes and bread.

 Ian arrived home around 4pm to tell me that the plan for the evening had changed, he wanted to do a progressive dinner. I wasn't familiar so he told me that a progressive dinner was one that you eat each part of the meal at a different restaurant. Our evening worked out like this:

• Appetizer: Noodle Box 
• Ian and Rick: Green Curry 
• Jen and Carla: Thai Stir Fry 

• Main: Jackalope Bistro (Best Burgers in Town!)
• Ian and Jen: Hawaiian Burger
• Carla: Classic Burger
• Rick: Mushroom Burger

• Desert: West Coast Waffles
• Ian: Cinnamon Icing Sugar
• Jen: Yummy Gummy
• Carla and Rick: Peach, Blackberry

My waffle with the gummy worms - it was AWESOME!

Proud Parents

My with the birthday boy

 It was a lot of food, but a seriously fun night. We were all very thankful for the time that it took to walk from one restaurant to the next as it allowed for at least a little digestion before we tackled the next course. Since we had all eaten roughly our own body weights in food the last thing we wanted was cake, so the plan there changed. We opted to head to Ian's parents hotel room to open some presents. Ian got some great things including a book on the Caribeean Islands (potential, and likely honeymoon location) along with some scuba gear.

There were two gifts that I absoutely LOVED and I couldn't decide which to tell you about so I decided to show you both: A water bottle from Grama that was "cookie monster blue" with googly eyes and says "Me So Thirsty" on the side A pair of "Lego" cufflinks from his parents. Both are VERY Ian, trust me :)

Even though I was sick sick sick it was a great weekend, Ian told me tongiht that he had a great birthday, which was music to me ears. Especially since I have one last surprise up my sleeve for later this week.

Snowy Owl Speaks

As I have previously mentioned one of the things that I have taken on since moving to Victoria is the role of guider with a local Brownie Unit.  When I am in uniform (a very unflattering uniform...) I am called Snowy Owl and what I say goes.

My experience with Guiding actually started many many moons ago when I was about 5, my older sister was involved in guiding and I wanted to be a brownie too.  Mostly because I wanted to do everything my sister did, including decorating my room in the exact same way she did.  So, I was enrolled with 1st Nicomekl Brownies in the fall of 1990 and assigned to the Elves patrol.  Somehow, my poor Mother was given the role of guider in charge (or Brown Owl as we knew her) and so I got to see behind the scenes what went on to make Brownies happen.  Now I may be biased but my Mother was a phenomenal leader and many of the local girls wanted to be a part of the unit.  By the time I was in my second year the group had ballooned to 30 girls and we had started turning people away.

Stole from the GGC website - not me or my girls :)   I will try and locate a pic of my in my uniform for your amusement :)

My experience as a Brownie (and later a Guide and a Pathfinder) was a very positive one.  I learned valuable camping skills (some of which I have actually used in adulthood) made some wonderful friends and earned more badges than you can shake a stick at.  By the time I reached Pathfinders at the age of 12, I was fully entrenched in the program.  I earned my Canada cord at 14 and fully intended on continuing on as a Ranger, but life got in the way at the point and as there was no local chapter, so I had to hang up my sash and move on.

Fast forward 10 years, I had moved to the island and didn't really know anybody.  Ian suggested that I get back into the hobbies that I has a child to meet some people so on a whim I put my name in on the Girl Guides of Canada website to volunteer as a leader.  I didn't hear back for about 6 months and honestly thought that my application had gone unnoticed.  When I did hear back I was put in touch with our local district commissioner to start the process of interviews and reference checks and police background checks.  I fully respect their screening for leaders as I was going to be working with young girls but I think it was a longer process than applying for my job as a financial adviser!  

The following September (almost 1 year after I initially applied) I was matched with a unit, I am not going to publish the name because this is a public blog but it is with Brownies ages 7-8. 

I was very lucky when I started as a leader because the two women that I was working with were not only seasoned leaders but also fantastic women who were always willing to teach me as well as listen to what I had to say.   I met them for the first time in a Tim Hortons to plan out the 1st half of the year and found that the program had changed somewhat since I had gone through it 20 years earlier, suddenly feeling very old and dated I kept my mouth firmly shut.

Lucky for me these two were not short of ideas and were quite happy to take me under their wing and teach me the ways of Brownies in the 21st Century.  I spent most of my first year following the lead of my other two leaders because, they were more seasoned than I was.  My role was simply to keep the children from breaking themselves.  I think I did a pretty good job :)  All went home in one peace most nights.

This year however, now that I have learned how things go I am really starting to find my stride as a leader.  Suggesting meeting themes and putting forward ideas, it has been so much fun.  Although I have to say that my favourite part this year has been watching last years young-ins turn into this years seasoned Brownies.  Many of them really blossomed before our eyes and have even though they started out last year as shy and unsure, they are not confident little women that I am so proud of.

So that is my story of Guiding.  Is it some times frustrating?  Yes.  Are there evenings were it is a massive challenge to get the energy to go to meetings?  Of course?  Do the kids sometimes push my patience?  Yes.  Would I trade my experience with them for anything?  HELL NO!

Round 2 - Cadence Fitness

I had originally planned on going to Cadence Fitness last week but a personal issue prevented me from doing so.  Thus today was Aerial Yoga at Cadence Fitness in Langford. 

This was an interesting and fiercely difficult experience.  I'm not sure that I would do it again but that's not because it wasn't a great workout, it was mostly because hanging upside down doesn't really agree with me. 

We started out the class with simply putting our hands in the silk and stretching, it quickly progressed to wrapping our wrists and pulling our bodies up from the floor and holding a plank only to move into putting our feet in the silk and planking from there. 

Then it came time for an inversion.  We put ourselves upside town and did situps from there.  OOOH boy they were brutal BRUTAL - no chance at using momentum, muscle strength ONLY! 

Finally the part I was waiting for.  The relaxation - we put ourselves into the silks like a giant cocoon.  It was fun!  I would love one of those things in my house for napping because I was a hair away from falling asleep in my cocoon! 

I would defiantly recommend Cadence Fitness, the instructor was great and it was a really nice facility with a great list of classes that you really can't find anywhere else in Victoria but I'm not sure that I will do the Aerial Yoga again.  My head is still rushing! 

Next up...?  Not sure, you will just have to wait and see

The Waiting Game

After all the portraits were taken we headed up stairs to allow the guests to arrive before the ceremony was to start.  There was much sitting and I was so anxious about the ceremony that sitting still was difficult. 

Make Up Touch Ups

Grandma entertaining the wee-one

Ian's sis (the teacher) packed activity kits for the boys.  GENIUS!

Ian's pants wouldn't stay up... we didn't want him having a problem during the ceremony so I got to pin him in.  It was quite difficult with the REALLY long nails I had on.  Blood on my dress would have been bad, but at least it would have gone with my colour scheme!

The elevator was pretty small so it was just me and Reiko... I didn't want to attempt stairs it would have been bad

Again with the army keeping Jen clean and dry

Time to fluff again

LETS GET MARRIED!